i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
