exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize