When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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