Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
