They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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