i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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