two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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