I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize