Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
