the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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