People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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