Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
