remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
