# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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