spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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