So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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