i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
