By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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