it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
