Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
