ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
