Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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