Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
