It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
