pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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