what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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