Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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