Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
