Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
false alarm. still invincible.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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