Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
