I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
