best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
