my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
