guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
