did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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