i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
