frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize