we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
