pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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