i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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