Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
