either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
