one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
