the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
