They should really pass out barf bags in church
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
