Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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