First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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