Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
