Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
