I cannot find my penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
