You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I faked an abortion last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Cover your peen. We're going out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
