P.S. I can't hear my feet
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
