apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
