So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
