I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
