So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
